Broken Glass......!!!!!!

I was looking at this glass piece and thought what a waste..... how ever hard you try to mend it........nothing will work , unless you change it........the crack remains forever. Though fragile , it can also be protective in more ways than one...... and people have always compared a human relationship with that of a glass ........and rightly so........because just as we need to handle a glass with care , so also we need to handle a relationship.....(how ever way you name it)........with utmost care. Ever since man has lived in society , he has learnt to build up relations with fellow beings ........some personal.....some not but never the less , a relation or a connection of some sort. In our life time , we get to meet many people, some come and go and yet some touch your lives in a way that you don't have a reason to explain why and how did it happen.......it just happens and before long you start thinking its one of the connections you just cannot do without.......and yes its connection like these that needs to be nurtured with love and care because once its broken.......it can be mended but the crack remains forever. I treasure my connection.....because many a times it has shown me light when there was darkness........and I thank Him for being so generous. !!!!

Time......!!!!!

The question What is Time ??? has been debated for many generations. Science has its own definition in physics but philosophically , many argue that time is not a reality but a concept and may be an illusion.
I have often wondered too what could it really be. We wear it in our hands and yet we cannot hold it as it passes by and slowly slips away into eternity......and its amazing that as we look at the clock, the eternity is actually determined by the movements of the hour and second hands. Each second would turn into minutes .......and each minute would turn into hours .....finally into weeks , months and years. A four letter word that rules mankind and human civilization.....generation after generation......over which no one has control or can have a say . For a next door person like me .......I could easily classify time into good times and bad times..... times of anticipation......times of anguish...... time as a healer......times when I wished the clock would stop because I did not want those beautiful moments to end.......and again times when I wished the hands on my wrist watch would gallop away .....!!!! People would say , her/his time is good or bad meaning astrologically unfavourable........but then isn't that God's way of teaching us all the experiences of life, from which we could emerge a much more wiser and better human.????? I, like most of us, have often stood the test of time......and yes I have tried to come out from it stronger and may be also try to evolve into a better human......but one thing I firmly believe in, is you cannot stop time......what is to happen would happen any way...... So what do we do???? Flow with time......and let time decide for us.????

Tears.......!!!!!!

One aspect of humans way of expressing emotions is through tears.......we see tears of joy and tears of sorrow, we see loud tears and silent tears. But for what ever reason our eyes fills up and we shed a tear, one thing is for sure ...its a great stress buster.
I am often accused of crying at the drop of a hat and shamefully ( if you can say that ) I agree whole heartedly. Not that I make a show of it, but people close to me would instantly know I have just shed a bucket and come. But there has been instances in my life where I have not been able to shed a tear and believe me I have not been able to recover either from such situations. I am not been able to find an answer as to why it happens to a person like me who would otherwise have a tap running. After so many months, when I recall them , I still feel the hurt as much......the wound never heals.
So folks, its good to cry and let out your emotions because tears can wash over any bad feelings, any hurt and even make you a born again..........and start over a new leaf.
What could have been more beautifully explained than, by Alfred Lord Tennyson in his poem " Home they brought her warrior dead " which I would like to share......its one of my favorite poems......

Home they brought her warrior dead:
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All her maidens, watching, said,
She must weep or she will die.

Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;

Rose a nurse of Seventy years
Set her child upon her knee
Like summer tempest came her tears
Oh my child I live for thee.

Darkness .....!!!!!

While the rest of the house sleeps......she was standing alone in the balcony of her house......in the dark silent night.....with only the moon far away giving her company and as she looks up she feels the moon shine on her face......the cool gentle breeze whisper in her ears.......she listens ....may be its that one voice that she longs to hear......when suddenly she felt that she heard that ever so familiar laugh....she turns around......was someone here ???? She finds no one. A cold shiver runs down her spine. She did hear that laugh...she really did !!!! she was telling her self. She ran to look out of the balcony and in the darkness she thought she saw the familiar figure walking away into the darkness of the night.She called....the figure turned .....smiled at her......waved ......and made a sign......." Till we meet again ........".
She suddenly woke up and found herself wet with her sweat....... she sat up and wondered .......was that a dream????? It could not have been. It was too real!!!!

Missing......!!!!!

I read these lines several times before in a book I had long time back.....but its only now do I understand its true and beautiful meaning and can feel it as much......so thought of sharing it in my space here with all my friends who might have missed someone.......sometime in their life time.


"I DROPPED A TEAR IN THE OCEAN.....
THE DAY YOU FIND IT......
SHALL BE THE DAY ........
I WILL STOP MISSING YOU......" (author unknown)

" SOMETIMES , WHEN ONE PERSON IS MISSING , THE WHOLE WORLD SEEMS DEPOPULATED ".......( Alfonse de Lamartine. )


" THEY SAY WHEN YOU ARE MISSING SOMEONE,
THE OTHER IS PROBABLY FEELING THE SAME.
BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE
FOR YOU TO MISS ME
AS MUCH AS I AM MISSING YOU....." ( anonymous )


" HAPPY AND EXCITED
I SAILED MY BOAT IN THE SEA OF LIFE.
SUDDENLY ENDLESS ANXIETIES BEGAN TO TOSS MY BOAT
AND SEIZE MY COURAGE.
I FELT SO SAD AND LONELY
AND SILENT TEARS ROLLED DOWN MY CHEEKS.
FOR I MISS YOU......."

The Balcony View.......!!!!!

This was the look of the sky this evening from my balcony.......I was having tea......this time alone......looking out towards the horizon .......my thoughts far away.......recollecting......missing.....longing......wishing for the clock to turn back its hands and give me back those precious moments.......it was one of the most beautiful time I ever had.....moments that are etched on my mind forever........moments that i would never need to share with any one else. They belonged to us......rightfully. I can only say thankyou.

The Weekend.......

It was a weekend.....people at work decided to take a break from the busy monotonous life.....an outing majority voted....and majority won.....I sat in the corner and listened to everyone getting excited about the trip to this place i have not heard of.....i was not even interested to go but again i didn't want to be the stick in the mud......so reluctantly i gave my share to the collection and on a Saturday afternoon i left, to join the others who had already gone off ahead.....As the bus came closer to the destination, i was awestruck with the beauty of the place......the quietness, the landscape, and the fog which hugged me in its gentle embrace......i was mesmerised !!!! " Is this God's creation too ? " I asked my self.......i sat alone on the road side drinking in the beauty around me......and wishing that i had Him here today....beside me......sharing this beautiful place.......and feel the mist around us.....i could imagine how the mist would have settled on His hair......and i would brush it off with my hand......i wish He was here with me today sitting by my side talking in silence......i shivered ....it was a little chilly.....i wished ,.... and i wished so many things and the next thing i just knew what i had to do....i picked up my cell phone and put a call through.....i simply needed to have that Voice with me here tonight......i heard the group yelling out for me.......my time alone ended.......i had to go.....i slowly got up and walked back.....my evening reverie had ended!!!! All that was left of the weekend trip are photographs with a lot of lonely memories.......years later i recall them with fondness.

The " Bouquet "........

The day dawned.......she felt something wonderful would happen today, she didn't know why she had this feeling and what it meant....except for the fact that it was her day off from work. The day started as usual.....the morning chores......the send offs.....and then the house was quiet. She sat in her favorite corner in the balcony, coffee mug in her hand and as she looked across the horizon, she recalled those wonderful days with fond memories. Of late , this has been happening very often. The phone ringing behind woke her from her reverie and once again , it was back to the present. A lot of matters to pay attention to......no more moments to spare for herself.

The day passed off into an evening and yet she waited with anticipation......may be nothing would happen but the feeling lingered on.......and as dusk fell around her, the doorbell rang. There stood the delivery boy with a bouquet of roses.......freshly plucked from the garden....the most beautiful roses as if specially picked.......she stared at the bouquet through misty eyes ....speechless.....and thought "He bothered to send this." She watched the delivery boy leave and managed to mumble a thank you. The moment was etched on her mind forever and held close to her heart ever since.

"Grandma, where are you ".....she heard her grandchild saying. She quickly closed the box, and locked her cupboard. Over the years, the dried up roses still holds a special place........."

Footprints.......

"We come into the world with no identity.......but we leave with footprints behind us "

When we come into this world , our only introduction is a male or a female baby......born into a family where we are later given names, and taught to call mother and father. We grow up loving them , respecting them. We slowly learn of different relations that the society have so aptly given names, brother , sister, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and as we grow up friends, spouse......well the list goes on. We are taught and moulded by our teachers in school. The values and principles are imbibed in our young minds right from that time. As we grow older, we only learn to polish them through life's experience and as we move through the different seasons of life , we cross many miles and gather many stones thus turning them each into a milestone.......and then a day comes when the journey ends. What we leave behind are only memories and footprints of our deeds done in our life time.......

Waves........

As I sit on the beach , I watch the waves, big and small .......rise and fall tirelessly.......some reaching the shore, some not touching at all. And it reminded me how closely related it is with life.Our life is a vast sea....our heart is the sea shore and our friends are like the waves that come up in our lifes. It does not matter how many waves rise in the sea........what matters is how many of them touches the sea shore......I treasure all the waves that have touched my sea shore and couldn't thank God enough for one big wave that has swept me over.....the reason why I am here today.

Mystical Sea.......

I always say that among all God' creation, I love most is the the Sea . I love its multiple character

.....I find it gentle, I find it rough ......not withstanding any thing when its angry.......I find it passionate , I find it mystical......I find it magical. I love to feel its waves come and caress my feet, I love to anticipate and see what the waves bring with it , each time it touches the shore. I love the smell of the sea breeze......I love to feel it as it sweeps over my body and mind. I love the sound of it as it rings in my ears. And I am always in awe of its vastness, often wondering what a big storage house it is. By the way do mermaids exists???? I am a fish and I belong to the water sign . Does it make me a mermaid ???? Hmmm!!! wondering....?

The Train........

A phone ringing.... broke the silence of the room......and also woke me up from my day dreams.The caller.....My Friend. Was told that the train just entered the station.....Little did i know that the train I heard passing just now was the same train ......but near as we were, we could not meet. Very rightfully said .....it was the nearest you could get!!! Call it destiny or may be the time was not right. I stood in the balcony as I heard the whistle blow......the train was slowly moving out of the station and I silently bid you Good Bye as I wipe away the mist in my eyes.

A 2008 Round Up........

2008 ended sooner than i realized.....and today as i sit recalling the days gone by ....i realized it has been a year where i have learnt a lot ...both at work and in personal life.......At work i faced a challenge that i really didn't know how i will be tackling it. One fine morning i go to the hospital ( my old work place -Dawki) and i suddenly hear both my senior colleagues were being transfered out......and i was left to take charge over the whole PHC area. Things happened so fast the before i knew i was briefed about the work , papers were being signed and taking over charge was done.....my colleauges were given their Send Off party and i had four sub centres, 19 villages, 15 field staff, 17 hospital staff, a pile of file work, a number of health programmes , some already started , some which i had to conduct..... and with no knowledge what so ever of running a Health Centre. All i knew was i had studied dentistry.....not how to run a PHC . I had no time to sit and brood over the happenings around me ......i needed to act and i needed to act fast. My other dentist friends told me just take leave and come home since it was not a job of a dentist to run a PHC......easier said than done but how could I do that ??? My conscience would not allow me . I had to do it ....at least try to do . Well i did. i sat down to do some home work first and by the end of the month i at least knew where i stood......and then slowly the programmes started ......the pulse polio prog. , the malarial spray prog, RKS, etc. and before i knew days passed into weeks .....weeks rolled into months and after about 8mths i had a new releiver who came and joined me and i handed over charge of the PHC happily to the new doctor. Nooo!!! i don't miss it nor do i want to be in his shoes. Am just happy taking care of the 32 little pearls. But it had given me a satisfaction that i atleast didn't turn away from my resposiblities and no doubt , i did learn a lot in those few months.It was a good experience.
Than came the biggest tragedy of my life......my father suffered a second stroke and this time never to recover .......it was the worst two months.....a period where i had to take some crucial decisions.....a time when the doctors told me the harsh truth......as they kept on reminding me " you are a doctor too ......you should understand and know the fact." Of course i am a doctor but here it was a daughter they were telling all those facts about and it was about her father. Not easy to digest ......inspite of knowing everything. My father finally left us. Though i was prepared mentally knowing his condition, he went when i was least expecting .......but he went in peace which made me happy for him. But his death hit me slowly when all the relatives left and things were quiet.......and till today i don't think i could come in terms with his death...... and it was with the loss of my father i started my very first blog......"Life is a Journey."
2008 also brought me in touch with my old school and college friends. It was lovely since they made an effort to come all the way to Shillong to meet me. I was touched. For few seconds we were like loss for words and silence said it all.
We parted with a promise to keep up with all the news specially now with the net, i suppose it would be much easier.
2008 was a year of friends. Especially after i started blogging......i have come to know many wonderful people. And today am reminded of a lovely saying ......." there are no strangers in this world .......only friends ready to be met "
And finally as the year was ending, i get my transfer order and before 2008 ended i joined my new place of work .....well things did happen last year.......some good ...some not so good ......but all is well that ends well!!!
Looking forward for a fruitful 2009. Keep Smiling !!!!